MMM Seafood lol

So I know the title is about seafood but its not what its about lol ...I just saw a commercial for Joe's Crab shack and I really really want some now :) Especially some crab legs ! Anyways...

So today has been a pretty uneventful day. This week has been a really rough week on me emotionally. This morning I didnt want to get out of bed let alone deal with anything. It is really hard for me to get this out this because I am really embarassed about the whole thing. Its not easy to admit let alone put it out there, but I am severely depressed. Yesterday was especially hard I just couldnt get thoughts of suicide or things like that out of my head. (please dont judge me). All I could do is to just think of my twins and how selfish it would be for me to leave them without a mother. I honestly almost went to the ER. The celexa is obviously not working and I think this is a lot worse than just post partum depression. I hate that I feel this way. I just feel hopeless that I cant get out of this rut. Im consumed by tremendous guilt, these thoughts, everything. Im just stressed out to the max. All I want is to feel happy, is that so much to ask for? I know people have it a lot worse than me (thats the whole guilt part).

I really dont feel like explaining the whole situation but in a nutshell the Army sucks!! I really hope that they get Cyles promotion figured out. If they dont we will be doing a congressional...if they wanna take our pay and the rank Cyle deserves we will have there rank. If anybody can honestly be ok with taking money from a solider who deserves it is a piece of shit. How could they live with themselves. I sware nothing comes easy for my husband. Everything has always had to be a fight for him and I hurts that it has to be like that for him. I love him soo much he is my rock.

I thought Id give a little update on the babies. On the 28th they will be 8 months...man the time flies ! Chloe is up on all fours and rocks back in forth she is taking a few movements forward but like to go backwards lol ...She will be crawling in no time ! Carter on the other hand hates to be on his belly! If he needs to go anywhere or get anything he just rolls where he needs to go haha. I am still working on having the both sit up. They both sit well but have yet to be able to go from on the floor to sitting up by themselves. Chloe likes to do this thing where she arches her back and kick her feet so when she sits up by herself I have to be close by. Carter is already saying Dada and Chloe has said Bubba but only twice. They are always laughing and soo happy. I do have to say that first 3 months was really rough with them. But lately they have been soo amazing and I am soo blessed to have them in my life. They mean soo much to me. I never believed that I could ever love anybody this much. Im so thankful God has blessed me with them and I am forever thankful to Dr Blohm who gave Cyle and I our little miracles :)

In other news I have a close friend who recently found out she is pregnant. I am soo happy for her! Almost makes me want another but then common sense knocks me up side the head and says "Are you crazy!!" lol ...Im soo happy for her I know she will make an amazing mommy !!

Hope everyone has a great day.